hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
