Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize