how can u be prego again
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
We were destined to go to rehab together
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
