there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
