The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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