I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
