I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I came so hard my ears popped.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize