Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
