Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
