i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
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