Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
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