Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
