can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
