dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
