My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
