Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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