You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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