Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
