I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
