So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
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