She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Do vagina's smell?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
