Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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