I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
