Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
