So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
