Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
