Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're too hungover to prance.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize