...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
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i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
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But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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