Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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