hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
