How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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