I showed him my bush... on skype.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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