The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
