I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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