Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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