her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
