worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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