Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
