Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
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