Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
