Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
