dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
