big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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