so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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