i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
