We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
