tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Randomize