Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
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