There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
