operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
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