The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
