Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
