haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
wanna go halves on a baby?
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
