he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
