Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
