can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
