Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Randomize