i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
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