Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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