You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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