I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
