and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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