he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
