And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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