So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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