that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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