My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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