Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
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