He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Randomize
