I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
