omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
