hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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