I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Randomize
