I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
