Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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