holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
